Notice the loss of room to choose
Control can take different forms: repeated demands to account for your time, interference with other relationships, threats about what will happen if you leave, or access to your phone and messages without your consent. One disagreement is not the same as an ongoing pattern. The pattern and the power behind it matter.
Ask yourself whether you change your behaviour to avoid retaliation. Can you talk to others privately? Can you make ordinary decisions about your time and money? If you are uncertain, a trained advocate can help you think through the situation without requiring you to adopt a label.
Start with support, not a perfect script
A boundary builder assumes the other person can hear a boundary without increasing the risk to you. In a controlling or violent relationship, that assumption may not hold. Contact a trusted person or local service using a safe method. Ask about a personal safety plan and where you could go or whom you could call if the situation changes.
Protect the way you seek help
Consider whether your browser history, email, location sharing or device could be monitored. Use a safer device if possible. This site's private journal is stored locally but is not encrypted. It should not be treated as a secure evidence repository.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline's safety planning resources and Canada's support directory are starting points for personalized help. In immediate danger, call local emergency services.