Look for the pattern.
Leave room for nuance.
Use these guides as prompts for reflection, not as a test of someone else's character. Context and frequency matter. So do the way people respond when you tell them a behaviour hurt you.
The conditional friend
Generosity becomes a debt. Your wins go uncelebrated. Inclusion depends on what you can give.
Read the guide ↗02 / COMMUNICATIONMoving goalposts
The rule changes after you meet it. You leave conversations unsure what you agreed to.
Read the guide ↗03 / REALITY“That never happened”
Disagreement over memory is normal. A pattern of denial that makes you distrust your own observations deserves attention.
Read the guide ↗04 / LABELSIs this narcissism?
Why a personality label can feel clarifying and where it may get in the way of a safer decision.
Read the guide ↗05 / REPAIRApology without change
Words matter, but consistent behaviour after a conversation tells you more.
Explore repair ↗06 / SAFETYFear and isolation
Threats, monitoring and pressure to cut off other relationships call for help beyond a conversation script.
Read the safety guide ↗07 / SUPPORTSomeone you love is struggling
Offer steady support without demanding a decision or taking over their choices.
Read the guide ↗08 / PRACTICEPushback on a no
How to make a request and choose an action within your own control.
Build a boundary ↗A useful way to observe without diagnosing
- What happened?
Describe the observable action or words as if a camera were recording it. Avoid assigning a motive you cannot know.
- What is the pattern?
When has it happened before, and what happened after you spoke up? Look for exceptions too.
- What does it cost you?
Notice your time, confidence, finances, other connections, and feeling of safety. Your experience counts even when intent is unclear.